Oh, this game bites, a real beat, dear, and it blew with, all its might.
On a hopefully fun night when, for non-cable-ers, the Twins were on Fox9 in the metro, their bats got stymied by very promising Brew Crew rookie Jacob Misiorowski until it no longer mattered. Joe Ryan tried his best. Inning-by-inning notes:
1: Solid pregame tribute to viciously assassinated lawmaker Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark. And their dog, Gilbert. Some of Gilbert’s litter mates are on hand and there’s a message from the Hortmans’ children. Well done, Twins.
Ryan walks Jackson Chourio before Christian Yelich bats, and lives to tells the tale. The Twins need Ryan to be really good tonight, as Brewers mega-rookie Misiorowski throws a billion miles an hour and has been absolutely dominant in the minors of late. Willi Castro strikes out on a 95.5 slider and falls on his buttular area. This kid is NASTY.
2: Isaac Collins’s parents shoulda named him Bootsy. He draws the 2-out walk. Christian Vázquez nails him on the steal attempt. Before that, Harrison Bader shows why he has an Auric Goldfinger-licensed glove.
A super-fast fastball and almost-as-fast slider are a really potent combo. Randy Johnson had the same thing, and was also wild at the start of his career (Misiorowski’s had a high walk rate in the minors, and walked four in his five-inning, no-hit debut last week). The Twins do not walk a lot, though; 23rd in MLB. They haven’t walked yet tonight. Or hit.
3: Ryan has five Ks but the Brewers are really making him work for it, laying off and fouling off pitches. 57 through three innings. Misiorowski has 34 pitches, and is 33% of the way to a perfect game.
4: Trying to figure out what company “uponor” is on the mound advertisement. One called Uponor sells “solutions for plumbing, radiant heating and cooling, and local heat distribution.” So, sure, baseball game ads, why not. Chourio walks again and steals, advancing to third on a groundout. A short fly and fairly-decent Bader throw would probably have gotten a slower player; not this one.
The Twins get closer to an actual hit but “close” only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, murder investigations, real-estate sales, and Carpenters songs. Brewers 1-0
5: Collins gets the game’s first hit but is doubled off on a tough liner catch by Kody Clemens; he continues moving right into the bag. Good thing he’s out because the Misiorowski finished this with another perfect inning. That’s ten hitless to start his career.
6: Ryan still in at 91 pitches. Sal Frelick singles, Chourio hits one that just escapes Matt Wallner’s diving glove, Frelick sees the ball scoot out of the glove and turns on Turbo Mode all the way home. This game is OVER, kiddos.
Danny “Electric Charge” Coulombe in, Yelich with the next RBI. A groundout moves Yelich over to second; a bunt base hit moves him to third. That bunt base hitter Brice Turang is caught in a pickoff rundown and is called out on a replay challenge. That’s still more than too many baseball touchdown goals for the Twins to overcome.
It’s Vázquez who almost breaks it up with a warning track fly in front of the bullpen. But I did say “almost.” World’s blandest cheese state 3-0
7: Justin Topa is in and I’m stopping taking notes. Everything has gone to poop in a poopbucket floating in an outhouse pooper. Don’t ask why a bucket’s in the pooper; it just IS, alright?
I’m gonna give you a GIF I got via email from the Internet Archive lately. I frequently use Internet Archive at my other site for research and video clip purposes. So I’m on their email list. I don’t know why they sent me a GIF but the GIF is cool:
Watch that while very high for awhile instead of thinking or reading more about this game.
The Twins get a Buxton walk to break up the perfecto and Wallner hits a homer to break up the no-hitter and A) I don’t fugging care plus B) I’d actually have liked to see a perfect game, they’re very rare. Once were Pilots 8-2
8: Recent Twins acquisition Joey Wentz now mounding. I greatly admire the actor Rachel Weisz. Actor George Wendt died this May, I didn’t know that! He was 76. Wendt played Willy Loman on stage in Canada in 2017, what a neat thing that must have been for him. I am hoisting a beer for Norm right now.
More of this game happened, and Jonah Bride pitched in his fourth MLB hurling appearance (all this season), and I’m not bothering with any of it. Twins lose.
The formula aspect of situation comedy can sometimes mean lazy writing and acting; it can also mean very funny writing and acting. It takes skill to work WITHIN the tight formula and still do something very simple, but very funny. Here’s a terrific example:
Studs of the game: Ryan for sticking it out through as long as he did with a high pitch count, Brooks Lee for extending his hitting streak to 19. (Enemy stud: Yelich with 8 RBI; I could do better, but that’s still pretty good for a lesser being.) Duds: the Twins not taking ONE DANG walk off Misiorowski (who is prone to giving up walks at this early stage in his career) until he was gassed.
Comments of the GT: Nagurskiinnortheast with “Ryan’s pitch count tonight will probably make him break out a little extra talco en polvo!” BAD comment goes to Foley for “Hey, did you know this guy is throwing a perfect game?” because that JINXED it.
Thanks to all who join in these things! It was a fun gamethread despite not being a very fun game. You folks really make doing this worthwhile.
Tomorrow’s game is at 1:10, and features Simeon of the Long Name against much more experienced pitcher Jose Quintana.