No one watched this game.
In the first inning of this game I sent out a Tweet on the official Twinkie Town account asking who else was actually watching this game. It got two replies. One was me. I feel this encapsulates the current energy level of the Twins fan base. Meeting this level, and not having slept for a long ass time, here’s a low energy recap! You, the reader, can’t dislike it, because you, the reader, do not exist. No one is reading Twins baseball blogs right now.
Andrew Albers started for the Twins. In the gamethread I said it was Dobnak, I don’t know if I straight up made this up or MLB.com lied to me or what, but whatever. Apparently it was Albers.
Things started out all neato-burrito when after Miguel Sano hit a big fat dong in the top of the 2nd, Albers did not immediately give the run back. Instead he gave it back with interest in the 3rd when Franmil Reyes hit a Deep Double Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Dong Quest to center.
Now its time for a segment I like to call “Who are these guys and why do they all keep giving up runs?”
Guy 1: Andrew Albers – Gave up a solo homer to Oscar Mercado
Guy 2: Luke Farrel – Didn’t give up a run, holy shit!?
Guy 3: Peter Bismuth – Gave up a solo homer to Jose Ramirez
Guy 4: Danny Coulombe – Didn’t give up a run! Yay Danny!
I made up one of those guys and I honestly do not even know which one. The Twins pitching staff is basically like if you play Franchise mode in MLB the Show for too long and all the real players retire and its just a bunch of AI generated nonsense names.
At some point Jake Cave pinch hit for Andrelton Simmons and that’s just depressing no matter which way I think about it.
ROBOT ROLL CALL OF DESPAIR
COTD goes to Blake Donlon for actually keeping me company. I don’t know which comment, just pick one.