Even soccer fans are like, “you gotta score more than once a game.”
Joe Ryan is a good pitcher but can’t score, Jarren Duran is a good fielder, Brayan Bello’s pitching is helped by bad Twins bats. Inning-by-inning notes:
1: Oh, thank the Lords, it’s Molitor with Atteberry. Gladden was fine with Provus; he and Atteberry bring out the worst in each other (longtime team insider jabber). An infield hit for Byron and GIDP by Brooks Bruce Lee.
Ryan gives up a Bomba to former Astro Alex Bregman. Per Wiki, Bregman has a dog named Jeter (don’t tell Red Sox fans!) and one named Koufax — that’s kinda cool. New Englanders 1-0
2: The Twins see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, and do no offense. Jarren Duran makes a long sliding catch.
Joe Ryan does more Awful Pitcher Fielding, and it’s worse than usual — it might have gotten a guy badly hurt. Because of Ryan’s crappy throw, baserunner Triston Casas gets tangled up with Ty France trying to get the crappy throw. Casas has to be carted off the field. Dammit.
3: Jeffers dong! Another good Duran catch. I eat a hot dog.
Oddly, although I didn’t get along with my dad, like AT ALL, I’ve inherited his belief that ketchup on a hot dog is for barbarians. I like ketchup on fries. And — well, that’s about it, really. Hot dogs deserve spicy mustard, a heaping pile of sauerkraut, pickles and jalapeño peppers. I guess I will accept chili & cheese, instead, that’s not a crime. But if you’re putting ketchup on a hot dog, you’re ruing the purity of whatever gross animal parts are in it! Even though we get the kosher ones, you know hot dogs is still mystery meat. Anyways, tied 1-1
4: Radio says that Roger Clemens will be in the booth later. The Twins are making Brayan Bello look like Roger Clemens. Besides the whole “throw bat shard at you in roid rage” thing. Joe Ryan does well, too. I’m thinking about a thing I saw once, showing the guys who do the manual scoreboard at Fenway (including live scores from other games). They said one sees a lotta spiders back there. Wouldn’t bother me, if they weren’t TOO big, but some people would find that a nightmare.
5: The Twins get their first runner since the dawn of trilobites via an error, and so much good comes of it. So many great and exciting things ensue. Would you like to know what those things are? I would too.
David Hamilton gets on via bunting to Ryan. Good plan. He steals second, then third, off Ryan Jeffers (who HAS thrown out 33.4% the baserunners this year… but Hamilton was only caught 10.8% of the time last year). Joe gets the strikeout and flyout to escape! Yay.
6: Buxton gets a single; without him the team would REALLY be lost right now. With him they’re still never gonna win another game this millenium. I blame Roger Clemens.
Rafael Devers gets the BoSox’s third hit, and it’s a leadoff double off El Diablo Verde or whatever that wall thing is called. Ryan gets out of it, again… which is nice, but he can’t score any runs by himself.
7: Ed not-O’Neill not-Harris not-Asner not-Begley Julien takes the Twins’ first walk — he steals second, and beats the throw, and overslides the bag, and crap-in-a-blender this is some runny s**t.
Louis Varland, the pride of St. Paul, makes us want to disown him immediately with back-to-back singles. A successful bunt moves the runners over and Varland’s gone for lefty Danny “Electric Charge” Coulombe. Duran strikes out! A 103 MPH grounder to Julien… bounces out of his glove. Beantown 3-1
8: Trevor Larnach gets a hit. Three other Twins strike out. Greg Weissert is the new Goose Gossage, I guess.
Jorge Alcala still hasn’t figured it out yet. Single, steal, double, steal, double, do you care, noooope Red Stockings 6-1
9: Let’s hear it for cancer survivor Liam Hendricks, we all wish him well in his continued recovery. Twins lose
Studs of the game: Joe Ryan’s pitching, that one Jeffers point, Buxton still trying
Duds of the game: Ryan’s bad fielding injuring Casas, always-slow-starting Correa (0-4, 2 K), everyone else following his example
Good comments from an understandably quiet thread! Zach’s “The beatings will continue until morale improves,” Nagurskiinsandpoint’s “‘I still believe in our ”gonadural public freshness” enthusiasts ability to get it together tonight!’” (referring to Joe Ryan putting talc on his junk), Name-Game’s “Man, as much fun as Papa Boomstick was, I’m happy the FO nailed the trade for Ryan.” (Probably referring to the Ball Talc.) Thanks for joining in, folks!
Tomorrow’s game is at 3:10, and features Rumpole of the Bailey Ober against something called a Hunter Dobbins. Enjoy the weekend, everybody who has weekends off, not everyone does, you know!