The Twins’ hitting woes continue, and the pitching fails enough to make this one insanely dull.
“It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it.” — H.L. Mencken
This game, for Twins fans, was kind of like that. You knew, coming in, that Tarik Skubal was going to be a tough matchup for a Minnesota lineup that’s been offensively-challenged this season. You hoped it would be a pitching and defense duel with Twins ace Pablo López on the mound.
Instead, López was all over the place, and while Skubal didn’t rack up the strikeouts, the Twins sure weren’t hitting him hard. In the first six innings, they had ONE outfield out. Everything else was a popup, K, or grounder. The game was essentially over when Detroit scored once, and they’d keep the night long and boring by scoring more.
Oh, and Carlos Correa is injured now. It’s an oblique strain, so he won’t be out long, but that still makes a crummy game even crummier.
Inning-by-inning notes:
1: Perhaps Dan Gladden has prophetic powers and knew this game would start an hour late? Or just that the Twins’ scuffling offense would be facing Skubal? Or he’s barred from Michigan? In any case, we have Paul Molitor in his place. Molitor knows his baseball, yet talks about it in a monotone like he’s recording a phone menu message.
Mark Canha for the Tigers homers on the game’s fourth pitch, so López is getting his Brad Radke on. Kerry Carpenter tries going first-to-third on Byron Buxton’s arm and this does not work for him. DET 1-0
2: This is looking like a perfect game, or at least a no-hitter. There, I made a Prediction. We already know it won’t be that for López, although he doesn’t give up any dingers this inning.
3: Carlos Santana is now 0-for his last 16. That’s not a huge slump for a veteran guy, but you do wish the Twins were healthier and he was playing more in platoons.
There’s a hit! Which is actually a dropped grounder, but Edouard Julien will take the stat boost. Manuel Margot walks, which at least pushes Skubal’s pitch count up a little before the inevitable Twins strikeout to end the inning.
Carlos Correa is replaced at shortstop for the bottom half. So he’s hurt with something. Crap.
4: Ryan Jeffers almost hits a home run, so the Twins get half a run. That’s one of the baseball rules now. Jose Miranda doeds a reverse Hrbek: he actually bumps 1B Spencer Torkelson off the bag and is ruled “safe.” Nothing comes of it, except Skubal has to throw 31 more pitches. He tires out like normal humans, right?
(That weird first-base collision from Miranda will probably be the most exciting Twins play of this game.)
Mr. Torkelson walks to lead things off for Detroit. He’s singled to third, López gets a strikeout, and gets ex-Twin Gio Urshela to bounce one straight into the ground. But it keeps bouncing, making this a tough throw for Castro. The run scores. López then notches two more Ks, but it’s Tigers 2-0
5: Radio says that because it’s drizzly and cold and the game started late, the postgame fireworks show will be canceled.
If I had a kid and was at this game, I would tell the kid that if they’re very good, there’ll be fireworks after the game. Then I’d grade their goodness up/down during the game.
Then, afterwards, when the kid asks “when do the fireworks start?” I’d say “they’re not going to, because you were impatient and I told them you were Bad.”
Is that poor parenting? Perhaps. Does it reflect how bored and annoyed I am with this Twins offense looking hapless against Skubal? Yup.
López walks the leadoff guy (again), he scores (again), and López walks more guys and gives up more runs and his control wasn’t good last time out, either. FUTURE HOFer KODY FUNDERBURK gets the Twins outta this, except there’s no way the Twins are scoring five runs tonight, Motown 5-0
6: Recent acquisition Michael Tonkin, who is Jason Kubel’s brother-in-law, comes on for FUTURE HOFer FUNDERBURK and is bad. Detroit 7-0
7: The Twins actually make some contact off back-of-the-bullpen guy Alex Faedo, and there’s no hits to show for it. Detroit’s Parker Meadows strikes out for the fourth time tonight, so he’s at least more annoyed than I am by this game.
8: Zach McKinstry comes in as a bench sub for Detroit. The loud band Ministry has an album titled “The Way To Succeed And The Way To Suck Eggs.” That would be an apt description here.
Radio: “you can see the look on the face of Matt Wallner. You can see his frustration.” Sure, I’ll buy it.
Manuel Margot singles and takes second on defensive indifference. The Twins are now on a 1-42 stretch of hitting with RISP.
Jay Jackson replaces Tonkin and he is also bad. Willi Castro takes over pitching. Tigers 8-0
9: Even more back-of-the-bullpen guy Will Vest comes in as a Mopster and the Twins actually hit him a little, courtesy of Jeffers, Kyle Farmer, Julien. Who cares. Kris Atteberry is so bored he repeatedly says the score is 8-3. It’s not. Twims lomse 8-2
Random notes: Of the 8 Tigers runs, 6 were scored by guys who got on base via walks or HBP. And Buxton’s outfield assist was his first since August 13, 2022.
Studs: FUTURE HOFer KODY FUNDERBURK, Ryan Jeffers for actually hitting the ball hard, nobody else was
Duds: entire rest of offense, entire rest of pitching staff
Comment of the gamethread goes to Uncle Lincoln with “LFG TWINS.” Seriously.
Join us for the traditional doubleheader tomorrow, starting with Joe Ryan vs. our old friend Kenta Maeda at 12:10.